Relationships
Romantic
“Don’t sleep on college. After graduation, it’s very unlikely you’ll ever be around so many people in your age group who are going through the same things as you. Don’t be afraid to be in a relationship at Stanford.” Phil
“There’s no rush. Know yourself. That will allow you to build more natural connections with others. Figure out what your main needs are and be true to yourself." OT
"Don’t feel pressured by what all of your friends are doing. Whether that be having sex, dating, or looking for a spouse. Do you.” Jordan
“What I hear from women is that Stanford men are shy.
For guys, my advice would be to work on humor. Just because you’re not funny, doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to be. And learn partner/social dance. It gives you more self awareness." OT
"What I find attractive is openness, a willingness to put yourself out there and not expect anything. If you don't gain a partner, you may still make a really good friend by doing so.
What I’ve realized is that just because you like someone, doesn’t mean you should make dating them a serious endeavor. In the best of ways, love is just a game.” OT
“Plan for the worst – do not draw for housing with your significant other." Jordan
Friendships
“There are different levels of friendship. According to Aristotle, exactly 3. Utility, Pleasure, and Goodness. In a friendship based on goodness, you admire one another and help better each other.” Phil
"During your first quarter remember that any of the people around you could be your friend. Don’t take for granted those small relationships. If someone helps you with a problem, feel free to initiate and ask them for their name." Jordan
"There have been occasions where I’ve prioritized a friend in need over sleeping before a final exam. People remember when you make time for them.” Jordan
“Build a support network of friends.”
“I think I learned a lot more through my relationships with other students, professors, and administrators like Jan Barker, than through my schoolwork. I would hear of fellowships and scholarships from people who knew what I was interested in.” Karl
“Learn to overcome the psychological barrier you have to associating with people outside of your group.” Tony
“Make sure that you have a diverse group of friends. Friends you can call when you want to party, friends who you can study with, etc.” Yaya
“It’s hard to relate to people if you don’t really know yourself. In life, you find out who you are, either proactively, or simply with time. If you’re proactive, you’ll be able to develop meaningful relationships earlier." OT
"Accept who you are and who other people are.” OT
"You may not become best friends with someone the first time you meet. Maybe you end up seeing them a lot junior year and become really good friends then." OT
“Be vulnerable, because that encourages people to be vulnerable with you." Phil
"It’s never too late to start developing real relationships. I feel like I built my closest relationships my senior year. A lot of times working with people, say, struggling with someone over a class, opens the door for that." Phil
“Create a wide social network. Friendships come and go or change over time. Try to meet lots of people early on and continue to cultivate those bonds. Over time you'll realize which relationships you want to invest it. It gets harder to build relationships later on because people get increasingly busy as you progress in your academic career and also because everyone has already found their friend-group.” Kristyn
"Ask people how their families are. There was a point where I didn’t want to talk about my family, so I would never ask others about theirs because I assumed that they also didn’t want to talk about family.” Phil
“We worry too much about what other people think. We stay in our comfort zone not wanting to be seen or heard. So we miss out on many opportunities to meet other cool people. Say hey to a stranger. At coho or a dining hall. Nothing keeps you from going up to someone and just saying hi.” OT
“Have you ever done that?” Yaya
“More recently.”
“How do you approach them?”
“I sit down next to someone in the dining hall and ask ‘Is someone sitting here?’ Then I may ask ‘How’s it going' or what they’re studying.” OT
“It’s ok to ask people, who you don’t know, like a friend of a friend, to hang out. Later in life you won’t really get to do that.” Karl
“Haha, what would you say to initiate?” Yaya
“I think you’re pretty cool, let’s get coffee.”
“Hahahahaha”
“There was a guy I had a lot of mutual friends with who messaged me and said ‘Before we graduate we should just grab coffee or something.’ It was good.”
“Only say ‘let’s have lunch or dinner’, if you really mean it, rather than as a conversation filler. Be genuine.” Karl
“Find support networks. Find communities. Go to community centers. Join clubs. Stanford’s hard in every way." Yaya
"While it’s ok to have many acquaintances, don’t be a floater. Make sure that you have a solid friend group, people who will throw birthday parties for you, shower you, draw for housing with you.” Yaya
Ways of meeting people
“Clubs. Community Centers.”
“Take fun classes that people from other majors and years would, like TAPS 103 Improv.”
“In order to meet non-Stanford people, you can join societies, like SOLE, which attend conferences. That’s how I met a lot of Berkley students.” OT
“A lot of non-Stanford students are in a club called the Stanford Salon (it’s a discussion forum) which meets every Monday at 7pm on the first floor of Arillaga.” Yaya
Professors
“Professors are cool. I have one that I text. Another has taken me steam tunneling.” Anonymous
“Lower professors off of their pedestal, and it becomes easier to engage with them. They’re just regular people with regular lives who were once your age. People think that to go to office hours, you must have a purpose. But you can literally go and be like ‘hey I just wanted to talk to you, I like getting to know my professors.’ You can ask about their personal lives. Some of my friends would ask professors for advice on what to do to succeed here or ask who they should meet at Stanford. Some would ask for things as vague as ‘general advice’. If you talk to them, professors remember you and look out for you. They’ll write you recommendations.
For Rhodes Scholarships I think you need like 8 or 10 recommendations.
Not everyone who teaches you is faculty. There are faculty, lecturers, assistant professors, and more. Faculty recommendations have more weight.” Karl
“When choosing a major advisor, remember that it’s a two way street. Not only are they accepting you, but also you’re choosing them. Try to get to know them a bit before selecting.” Jordan
“Don’t sleep on college. After graduation, it’s very unlikely you’ll ever be around so many people in your age group who are going through the same things as you. Don’t be afraid to be in a relationship at Stanford.” Phil
“There’s no rush. Know yourself. That will allow you to build more natural connections with others. Figure out what your main needs are and be true to yourself." OT
"Don’t feel pressured by what all of your friends are doing. Whether that be having sex, dating, or looking for a spouse. Do you.” Jordan
“What I hear from women is that Stanford men are shy.
For guys, my advice would be to work on humor. Just because you’re not funny, doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to be. And learn partner/social dance. It gives you more self awareness." OT
"What I find attractive is openness, a willingness to put yourself out there and not expect anything. If you don't gain a partner, you may still make a really good friend by doing so.
What I’ve realized is that just because you like someone, doesn’t mean you should make dating them a serious endeavor. In the best of ways, love is just a game.” OT
“Plan for the worst – do not draw for housing with your significant other." Jordan
Friendships
“There are different levels of friendship. According to Aristotle, exactly 3. Utility, Pleasure, and Goodness. In a friendship based on goodness, you admire one another and help better each other.” Phil
"During your first quarter remember that any of the people around you could be your friend. Don’t take for granted those small relationships. If someone helps you with a problem, feel free to initiate and ask them for their name." Jordan
"There have been occasions where I’ve prioritized a friend in need over sleeping before a final exam. People remember when you make time for them.” Jordan
“Build a support network of friends.”
“I think I learned a lot more through my relationships with other students, professors, and administrators like Jan Barker, than through my schoolwork. I would hear of fellowships and scholarships from people who knew what I was interested in.” Karl
“Learn to overcome the psychological barrier you have to associating with people outside of your group.” Tony
“Make sure that you have a diverse group of friends. Friends you can call when you want to party, friends who you can study with, etc.” Yaya
“It’s hard to relate to people if you don’t really know yourself. In life, you find out who you are, either proactively, or simply with time. If you’re proactive, you’ll be able to develop meaningful relationships earlier." OT
"Accept who you are and who other people are.” OT
"You may not become best friends with someone the first time you meet. Maybe you end up seeing them a lot junior year and become really good friends then." OT
“Be vulnerable, because that encourages people to be vulnerable with you." Phil
"It’s never too late to start developing real relationships. I feel like I built my closest relationships my senior year. A lot of times working with people, say, struggling with someone over a class, opens the door for that." Phil
“Create a wide social network. Friendships come and go or change over time. Try to meet lots of people early on and continue to cultivate those bonds. Over time you'll realize which relationships you want to invest it. It gets harder to build relationships later on because people get increasingly busy as you progress in your academic career and also because everyone has already found their friend-group.” Kristyn
"Ask people how their families are. There was a point where I didn’t want to talk about my family, so I would never ask others about theirs because I assumed that they also didn’t want to talk about family.” Phil
“We worry too much about what other people think. We stay in our comfort zone not wanting to be seen or heard. So we miss out on many opportunities to meet other cool people. Say hey to a stranger. At coho or a dining hall. Nothing keeps you from going up to someone and just saying hi.” OT
“Have you ever done that?” Yaya
“More recently.”
“How do you approach them?”
“I sit down next to someone in the dining hall and ask ‘Is someone sitting here?’ Then I may ask ‘How’s it going' or what they’re studying.” OT
“It’s ok to ask people, who you don’t know, like a friend of a friend, to hang out. Later in life you won’t really get to do that.” Karl
“Haha, what would you say to initiate?” Yaya
“I think you’re pretty cool, let’s get coffee.”
“Hahahahaha”
“There was a guy I had a lot of mutual friends with who messaged me and said ‘Before we graduate we should just grab coffee or something.’ It was good.”
“Only say ‘let’s have lunch or dinner’, if you really mean it, rather than as a conversation filler. Be genuine.” Karl
“Find support networks. Find communities. Go to community centers. Join clubs. Stanford’s hard in every way." Yaya
"While it’s ok to have many acquaintances, don’t be a floater. Make sure that you have a solid friend group, people who will throw birthday parties for you, shower you, draw for housing with you.” Yaya
Ways of meeting people
“Clubs. Community Centers.”
“Take fun classes that people from other majors and years would, like TAPS 103 Improv.”
“In order to meet non-Stanford people, you can join societies, like SOLE, which attend conferences. That’s how I met a lot of Berkley students.” OT
“A lot of non-Stanford students are in a club called the Stanford Salon (it’s a discussion forum) which meets every Monday at 7pm on the first floor of Arillaga.” Yaya
Professors
“Professors are cool. I have one that I text. Another has taken me steam tunneling.” Anonymous
“Lower professors off of their pedestal, and it becomes easier to engage with them. They’re just regular people with regular lives who were once your age. People think that to go to office hours, you must have a purpose. But you can literally go and be like ‘hey I just wanted to talk to you, I like getting to know my professors.’ You can ask about their personal lives. Some of my friends would ask professors for advice on what to do to succeed here or ask who they should meet at Stanford. Some would ask for things as vague as ‘general advice’. If you talk to them, professors remember you and look out for you. They’ll write you recommendations.
For Rhodes Scholarships I think you need like 8 or 10 recommendations.
Not everyone who teaches you is faculty. There are faculty, lecturers, assistant professors, and more. Faculty recommendations have more weight.” Karl
“When choosing a major advisor, remember that it’s a two way street. Not only are they accepting you, but also you’re choosing them. Try to get to know them a bit before selecting.” Jordan